ANOTHER DAY IN THE LIFE

AT THE LUNATIC ASYLUM

I have just had the weirdest day ever. Hilarious. It all started after I had been doing some tidying up in our filing system on the computer. Everything has been so hectic the last couple of weeks, that things haven't been saved in the right places, under the right names, etc. Small stuff really, but I, the good girl, got in early and was sorting it out. When the others arrived at the office I told them what I had been up to, where the stuff was saved; everybody happy. Until. CRed turnes around and says: oh... oh... eh... have you been moving the files around?
I answer: yes, like I told you ten minutes ago
CR: well I don't like to critisize people... but...
me: well bring it on
CR: well that means I can't find anything now
me: but I told you where I put them...
This goes on and he gets all worked up about file names, locations, whatever, he basically doesn't have a clue what he's talking about, and I try to explain to him how the system works. He just won't listen to what I'm saying, whenever I try to answer he goes: no no, hear me out, you know, I am older than you and I have got, you know, slightly more experience than you blah blah blah... In the end I challenge him, say: look, let me ask you a question then; I start the question and on he goes again, talking rubbish. This is where I start losing it, say: look, I'm asking you a question; he goes: well I'm answering it; I go: YOU CAN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE QUESTION!!! Now he goes: what! what are you, twenty-two or something...What a fucking loser this guy is, I just say: Right, I'm not wasting my time on this bullshit; I turn away, put on my headphones and start working. Now he says: oh this is just typical female! BIG MISTAKE!!! I throw off my headphones, storm out of the room and just when I'm passing his desk I give him the finger and mouth: FUCK OFF!!! Luckily, one of the partners of the firm has overheard what was going on, asks if everything is all right, I say NO, he asks if I want to talk about it, I say YES... please; we sit down and I explain to him what went on, as calmly as I can when I´m shaking and shivering with anger. He of course agrees with me that this is completely unacceptable and says he'll have a word with him, I go out for a walk to cool down.
When I get back, CRed gets up, stands all straight and goes: I´m supposed to give you an apology, I was just being naughty, I´m like that you know, I've got daughters, I get in trouble with them as well, and my wife...
me: that has nothing to do with this
CR: yes I know, I was just teasing you, you know, I´m like that but I just think the filing blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...
me: I´m not willing to discuss this with you, I think this needs to be dealt with at management level
CR: yes you're right, we need to all sit down and talk about this but I just, you know, I think the filing blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...
And I can't believe I'm having this conversation, repeat myself: I´m not willing to discuss this with you, is that all right
CR: eh yes, but no, you know I am older than you and have got slightly more experience than you, and I just think the filing blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...
I start explaining to him again what it's all about and still he won't hear me out, I say: listen... but on and on he goes, sorry fucker, and at this point I say: right, whatever, don't listen, put on my headphones again and turn to the computer, I've got work to do.

Now this is a pretty fucked up start to the day, wouldn't you say? Just wait.

A bit later I go to the toilet to have a wee. Oh no. Burning sensation, oh yes, it's bladder infection. Luckily, there is a walk-in clinic just around the corner from the office, I check it out in my lunch break, they open at 5 pm. I take off early to go there, fill out the forms, wait for my turn (can't believe my luck, I've got Vogue in my bag AND I've got time to read it!). The nurse, about fifty-ish with orange hair and a floral frock thingy on, calls me in, asks what she can do for me, I tell her I've got bladder infection.
Nurse: oh, I'm afraid we can't help you with that, you need to see your GP
Shit, going to see a GP in this country is no laughing matter. Or maybe that's exactly what it is, one big pathetic laughing matter. She sees my disappointment and starts asking questions:
nurse: are you sexually active?
me: yes
nurse: when did you last have sex?
me: on the weekend, er, on Sunday
nurse: was it with a new partner?
me: yes
nurse: did you use a condom?
me: no (god, why can't I ever spot a good opportunity to lie???)
nurse: don't you think that's a bit risky?
me: er, yes, er, but ehm, we do use condoms, er sometimes, uhm, but not always, and I know you can't rely on it but we're very careful...
nurse: what are you going to do if you're pregnant (WHAT! I'm not pregnant)
me: eh, don't know, eh, deal with it... or something
nurse: right, we can give you the tests for chlamidya, gonorrhea...
me: no no, that's not necsessary, I had that done a few weeks ago, all clear and I've only had this one partner since
nurse: that's good, now Sunday you say, was the last time you had sex
me: yes
nurse (looking at the clock): now it's to late for you to get emergency contraception... (WHAT! I'm not pregnant)
me: no no no, that's not... I don't need that, I'm not interested...
nurse: right, ok. Sunday you say...
me: yes
nurse: was it a particularly heavy session? (MAN! you couldn't make this shit up)
I give up, look at her and say: Yes! Can't even remember what she replied.
nurse: right, I'm sorry we can't help you with the bladder infection, you have to see your GP about that
me: do you think I'll be able to get an appointment tomorrow, it just seems so difficult to get a good service in this country
nurse (nods): Well they should keep one or two slots open for emergencies, if you go there and explain to them, hopefully they can help you (GREAT! hopefully they can help me)
She is a real sweetie though and in the end sends me home with a pot to pee in so that I can take it with me to the doctor's first thing.

Time to head home, go get my gym stuff, and I'm wondering if I should do the shopping before or after the gym. Walk up to the security guy in front of Sainsbury's and ask him when they're closing. He looks at me and answers: eeeehh, maaayyybeee 10 o'clock
me (feel hysteric giggles welling up inside me): what, maybe 10 o'clock? Or maaayybeee... whenever?
security guy: yes, or maaayyybeee 10 o'clock...
What can I do?! I walk away, hairwidths away from breaking into disbelieving hysterics, can somebody just turn the lights off and end this day, for crhist's sakes!!!!!!!!!