Desperate Housewives... with 48 hours in the day...

I bought one of those food/home/life magazines yesterday. Don't ask me why, I just thought maybe I should start cooking some more, something new and healthy and exciting (I must have been delirious). And I've got this idea in my head that maybe I should become a grown-up one day. AND it had a picture of a very sexy strawberry cheesecake on the cover (yeah, it was Wednesday and I haven't seen Spikey since Monday morning). So I got home, the weather was beutiful and I had bought haddock for the BBQ and lots of vegetables to go into a rice salad (my my, houswifey me). So I cooked for Puma and me, while rocking to Like a Virgin (it's got to be done), and afterwards, feeling very good about myself, I sat down and had a browse through my new shiny magazine. It has this section, how to lose 5lb in two weeks. Yes! I thought, that's just for me. Now. Tell me. Who the fuck in the whole wide world makes THIS for breakfast: Spiced fruit kebabs. Serves 2. Thread fruits such as 3 quartered fresh figs, a small chopped pineapple and 8 strawberries on to 2 skewers. Mix together the zest of 1 orange with its juice, a pinch of cinnamon and 2 tablespoons of runny honey. Drizzle over the kebabs and put under a hot grill for 6 minutes, turning them occasionally. Serve at once with 110g (4oz) of low fat yogurt per person... Are you kidding me? Is this before or after we do a home manicure? I am grateful if I can get my sorry ass out of bed early enough to have a shower before I go to work, let alone play Nigella before I've had my fix from Nero's. Now I don't know who has the time to make THIS for lunch: Cheese omelette... French onion soup... Roquefort, walnut and apple salad... Goat's cheese and salsa... Tuscan bean soup (give me a break!!!)... Eggs florentine... Don't these people work??? I guess the alternative is to spend your lunchbreak seeking for restaurants that make these dishes, then asking them to not use any oil or cream, do this for a week and then be too broke to eat for the rest of the month. That'll get you nice and skinny. What's for supper then, something that's been marinated for three days, or maybe a whole turkey with the lot? Ladies, who-ever and where-ever you are, save your money, save your time, and go to the bloody gym instead!!!